Florida and Girls' Camp....? uh...

OH, how I've missed the People I've left behind. Although, I DID have fun in Florida :) We went to Cocoa Beach, which is about an hour and a half from Orlando...

And then there was a huge storm coming in, and so we had to run run run away. and we barely made it because by the time we got in our car after our lunch, it was coming down so hard we could barely see a few feet in front of us whilst driving... scarrryyy.

And then... after Orlando, we went to Tampa where my cousins were and my cousin's graduation from High School. Lovelyyy.

Anyway. Girls' Camp was fantastic. It was my last year... I'm a little faklempt, but at least Chloe took a million and a half pictures:)

Themoblubomem

My Mind feels trapped in my Body.

Or my Body wants to escape the relentless racing of my Mind.

Either way, something's got to give.

This constant fighting wears me out. I can't make either of them happy, because, they're both me.

But. Whatever. Here I am, at 3:10 in the morning. Not complaining... just... here.

Mind. You're racing. I can't stop the constant stream of thoughts you broadcast into my temporal lobe. Yes. I can actually hear you, thoughts, erupt in sound.

I think about one thing, and one thing only. Well. Two things. But they are both in the family.

I cannot terminate these thoughts/emotions/blurbs of memory.

Hard to explain- but they're past, present, and future themoblubomems. They're... here.

She is... here. She has left this world, but I know she is here. In a different world. In a better venue.

But. Your wake has shaken the ground of one. Therefore me. Therefore all.

But. The winds of havoc you brought have now tested the rock they chose for their standing place.

For that, I am sure, One is in gratitude.

But. You are missed. You were, nay, are loved. You.

Love.

A funny thing.

Blind, illogical, and diligent, it seems to never cease, but grow like fire, never wavering as it passes to the next bearer.

And now, we are all... here... in memory, in ideas, in standing, in progression.

Thanks. That was my themoblubomem for the night. Expect another soon.

Ridiculous.

Yes. You.

Stop apologizing and STAND UP for what you're "apologizing" for.

Who invented the lie that feeling anger, sorrow, or damaged is a sign of weakness?

Who told us that fear was to be pretended away, to be shunned?

Who was it that said Emotion was something to be ashamed of? To run away from? To ignore?

ALSO:

what is so wrong with being happy? just because life has taken drastic, horrible turns and is all sullen and supposed to be dramatic and bad does not mean we aren't entitled to a sliver of humor every once in a while.

I'm just WONDERING why the person who invented this deception of "How to Live" has been followed vigorously by ... everyone.

I can't handle all of this "it's fine," "it's horrible," "nothing's wrong," "my life sucks."

Guess what? Sometimes it's not fine and sometimes the good things in life are forgotten.

and the fact that it's not "fine" or the fact that it is, Is completely normal.

What is normal anyways?

I"m still just wondering WHO decides all of this.

Oh. wait.

I know the answer.

It is me.

It is you.

It is all of us.

Aqualung

A dying yellow rose:

It's rotting, brown lips provoke a chill of despair. As if to say, "I trying to hang on for dear life, but the breath is coming shorter, the light pulling out, out of the way for the night to take over."

And then comes the vase. Filled with life and river.

Good vs. Different

There is a time in a person's life when he or she encounters a line. And the only way to progress is to cross it.

This line is the decision to be good.

This sounds fairy-tale-like, but I assure you, it is truth.

Most of my life, I have spent accomplishing, and succeeding, and standing out (well... trying to). I've tried for a long time, to be accepted for not just who I am, but for what I am. I've always craved that good feeling of being "the only one with..." or "the only person who..." or "that girl..."

But, now.

I have encountered this line, this decision.

And I've decided.

I don't care for the standing out anymore. I'd rather be good. I don't care about being the lone sheep anymore. I'd rather be apart of The Flock. However small The Flock is.

I'd rather be apart of something that may not be extravagant or the best.

I'd rather be apart of many people doing the same thing, being the best they can be, being together. And that thing is being good.

I feel like I'm typing a King Arthur crap story. but. maybe I am. And maybe the world needs more of the Chivalric stories we clung to long ago in our human history.

Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello?........
I'M GOING TO NEW YORK AT 8.
with mallory.
and mikelle.
and my cat.
that i hate.

Br& New

Hair. Has been cut.
Phone. Has been upgraded.
Teeth. Have been cleaned.
Life? Has been changed.

Not really.

But I feel like a new being.
Spring Break is coming up in about 2 hours, and 18 minutes, and I will be in a new city with the aforementioned "new" things.

With my hair all gone, I keep catching glances at myself in various windows, plastic objects, car doors, (the shiny eyes of miscellaneous people) and i don't even look like myself.
Why am I telling you this?
Because I'm starting to get used to it.
Because it's like life. Sometimes things get cut off, and you don't feel like yourself anymore, and you don't recognize your own reflection, and you don't know what to think about it because it's not bad or good, or maybe it's both. But after a while, this drastically empty feeling starts to fill in again. I'm starting to feel like "this is me" "this is my hair" "i'm still Ari."