Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Parking Lot Fiasco/ TIPS FOR MEN.

How many Thank-You's to Codename: RaChelle Stwarto do you think will suffice for yesterday's hilariousness??
Story time?

It all began on a perfectly humdrum, after-school day in the school parking lot. (A.K.A. The pink ticket's favorite place to kick it.) When, from the corner of my eye, I beheld a red car trying to make it over the concrete where... you know... you're not supposed to try and drive a car over.
Sure enough, "RaChelle" had managed to unwittingly high-center her car with the wheels on either side of the forbidden concrete hump. Much like unto this heifer---------------------->-------------->--------->----->

If you're ever bored and want to boost the macho morale of some hot Mexicans and a Korean...... Here's how a few tips....


STEP 1. Hunt for the beautiful, half-witted-decision-making girl with car in a pickle (in this case ON a pickle)
STEP 2.Stand around in a giant group surveying the damage.
STEP 2b. disregard any cops around who think they are helping but they are not.

STEP 3. Take orders from said beautiful, yet accident-prone girl.

STEP 4. After minutes pass, finally lift car off ground using brute strength and grunt a lot ....(I'll leave this one up to your imagination)

STEP 5.Watch wistfully as they drive away in somewhat altered car in blissful admiration at the manly man work you have done.

What a great. day.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Thank you, Presidents.

For giving us an absolutely pointless holiday/ best idea ever.

Here's a list of pointless things in honor of the pointless holiday. (I really hope the Gov gov doesn't liquidate my assets for being a quote unquote national threat/ disgruntled citizen)

1. Woke up as pissed as my cat.
2. Pet the cat.
3. Started reading Emma.
4. Contacted a fellow citizen about Emma; we're book clubbing it(!).
5. Epically battled the cat. (cat won... idonwannatalkabouit)
6. Ate some toast.
7. Watched sweet documentaries about the symbols and secret organizationsof our country (to be somewhat patriotic/just in case the gov was listening...)
8. Told myself I wasn't schizophrenic.
9. MATH. -+=XX (If you get this math joke, you're a dweeb. Join me in my dweebiness.)

I did not have a 10enth thing.
But I DID have a tenth finger in which to use my backspace with.
Caps lock was also used, just not as much as backspace. TO CAPS, I APOLOGIZE.

Also, I literally have not been to a single scholastic class period in over a week.
Hopefully my eyes remember how to feign awake when I'm in the back of my evil child development class.
I swear, the reason it's called Child Development is because the children in there are developing at an INCONCEIVABLY slow rate. (caps lock discretion no longer acknowledged).
They're like monkeys.
Fellow classmates of C.D..------------>

Even a few of them seem to compliment monkeys.

Speaking of animals. My dog tried to get up the steps... but he just fell down.
He definitely got eaten by 6 or 7 steps worth of gravity.
Poor boy.

These are words.