Saturday, June 11, 2011


So, I'm listening to Dave Matthews right now

Does anyone appreciate musicians anymore?
I don't know.

But, he's mindblowing.

Anyway, I'm glad I finally found him in my 16th year of life.
He's like cheese and wine.

Better with age, baby. Better. With. Age.

Now, I'm not sure to whom whose age I am referring (mine or his).... BUT He definitely grows on you.

I'll send you a link to a fantastic song I was just listening to, if you want : If you appreciate Jazz and the ability of keeping Rhythm in a band, you'll definitely appreciate him. Link to Save Me

Anywayyyy(s): TOmorrrrow. Whitney, Cole, Ari, Parker, Emily, Cami, Jackson, Jenoa, Megan, and Jake will be a-drivin' down to the good ole George who was Sainted (may he live forever.)

I'm excited to watch the couple escapades. Maybe Parks will give me some time of day. Since it's he and I who are not realtionshipping currently. (me for forever...)

Prepare ye, after our return, you will not recognize the late Ari Kokol.
Instead, a peeling tomato will probably return in her place.

Skin Cancer anyone? Naaah. SPF 305.

Breakfast at Hannany's

Once, I was really happy to see the people I loved gathered in a tent watching HilDuff.

Twice, I laughed.

Thrice, ..... ? (what things happen three times?)

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Oh, The Tides...

I've decided to come back to this. Dangit.
I blame Sar.
Mostly because it is her leaving that has really started to get the ball rolling. The ball that is rolling is also called my emotions. They've been dormant for a couple weeks now....

Sarah. Elizabeth. Barrus.

If nothing good at all came out of this year, Sarah did.
When she came to live with me, it was a dream come true. People asked how we could even handle living together, how we could handle being with each other for that many months.
I never hesitated once. I told them all that it was the best thing that ever happened to me.

We've always been best friends. Probably since we were 3 and 4, never has there been a beat missed or a tear left undried or a hug left too early between us. It's amazing to have friends at all walks of life, but Sarah has been the one constant in every step of mine.

I miss her.
I miss her more than is thought possible.

It's interesting how in control of my emotions I am lately. I rarely cry.
But the day after graduation, her absence became way too apparent, way too unavoidable.

So here I am. Just sitting. Thinking about her. Because I realize who she is in my life. What she means to me.

She is Home to me.

And I'm leaving for college.
My friends are slowly disappearing.
My family will be away.
My view of the world has altered.
And Sarah is gone.

I'm resisting the urge to make a soap-opera joke or a drama joke right now, because even on this stupid blog of a blaring screen, I feel that vulnerability.

So, for once. I'll just let it be.
Sarah always said that.
Just. Let it be.

Monday, June 6, 2011

The beginning of the end of the beginning of the end of the beginning of the endless circle of an existence

The end of an era as commenced.
And thus the beginning of my life Saga has also.

It's one in the morning, hopefully sufficiently late enough so that this post seems completely unimportant enough for my standards.

Today, I clicked on my notes in Facey.
There were only two there. One was a poem my mom wrote (no one knows why I put that there), the other one of those twenty-five things about yourself crap writings.

So, of course, I read what I had written as a Sophomore.
I deemed the situation appropriate, since graduation ensued a moment ago.

The point of my musings is that I realized who I was back then:
Kind of obnoxious. (I always seem to be shouting, even in written text). A little naive. (I sound like a crazy child.)

But most importantly I knew exactly what I wanted. Life, school, preferences, people.

Unfortunately, some of those aspirations have since turned into what-if's, and whatever's.
My biggest dream was about college. Go figure.

Here I am, BYU. I'm right here.
Where did that enthusiasm go?
For anything... ?
It's weird how, the older I get, the more tired I become. I'm sure there is laughter at the irony of Ari Kokol using words like "older" and "tired." To some, I seem a bottomless pit of neverending, frequently loud-mouthed snide remarks, and high energy.
(when I say "some," I mostly just mean my mom.)
I hope it's just a phase. The parasitic effects of ole Senioritis must be trying to hold on, for one more week.

In a way, I kind of want to get back to that old self. Full of enthusiasm. Scourged with ambition.

Random thought (thinking about enthusiasm and ambition): I love Matthew Maddix. What was said about him at graduation by Spencer, hit it right on the money.
He makes everyone feel important. He genuinely takes an interest into every soul he sees. The best part is- he actively seeks out those souls. American Fork was a better place because it knew him Its walls were basked in his ever life-fulfilling smile, to that we're all grateful.