I look at life the wrong way.
Not that there is a right way... but there are definitely wrong ways.
Sometimes, as I get into my darkly cyclical thought processes that we all create in our minds, I feel pure frustration with myself.
I'm frustrated that at the end of a previous intense modification of "way of life," I seem to come to a conclusion.
And then I end up right back where I started- questioning, doubting, yelling, not understanding, not clicking.
I can't seem to keep myself at a constant level of understanding with my life and love and friends and family and God and religion. I can't stay calm, as if chaos is inevitable.
But today, I realized that I needed to do some meta-cognition. How do I approach my own thought?
I go into my own thinking with an expectation that I WILL be happy, I WILL understand, I WILL work the puzzles of life out in my mind.
Of course, those notions fail.
Because the human mind in all its glory is curious and suspicious and ambitious.
It is beautiful.
And that is where I should get back to. The fact that I have crazy ideas, ideas that I pull and scrape and claw at for days at a time is beauty in and of itself. The fact that I can think at all must be some work of art....
Those dark cycles we get in? Take a step back. Look at it for what it is? A mind. Trying to unravel itself while keeping the structure of sanity intact.
Frustration is an intrigue by nature.
The attempt for comprehension is valiant on its own.
My wrong thinking resides in how I feel about my thinking.
Here's one correct way of thinking:
Be okay with it.
Use the power of curiosity and intrigue to take allow in yourself a quiet peace of mind.
oh? (What? There's a choice in that too?)
Maybe that's where true happiness is found: in the quiet acceptance of one's own mind.
The calm realization that your mind has reigns, and you are holding them. That sometimes your mind gets spooked, excited, curious, or hungry... Your mind has natural, regular, possibly dark tendencies... but you can lead it where you want IF you want.
It's weird to think that we usually get answers... The trouble is accepting them or not.