Fuel for Fire

You know those girls who write names over and over and over again? and then one more time for good measure. and after about 4 minutes and 39 seconds, the page is covered in that name, and the curly letters with hearts all around it make the page look like somebody puked a cupid on it.

Well..

It's stupid. That's all I have to say about it.

Another thing..... I've been trying to listen to this band that basically everybody I talk to SWEARS BY.

And. I must admit.

I hate it. It's the worst. ever. I have a weird reaction/retaliation to its "musicality"/ it sounds like a freakin steamroller attempting the height of a pitch much like unto a tween girl happening upon her long-lost b.f.f. from, like, furevur ago.

>..? "3 in the mornin, better get some sleepin soon" - from said "band." (if you could call it that)

gahhhh

Almost done with DANG online classes!!! Hopefully Wheetneey will help me with health.

oh my gosh. this band sucks. I'm trying. I'm trying.

okay. next topic:

Trains.

They are symbolic.

As usual.

But sometimes, I like when people sing about it.

It's like music to my ears (no literal pun intended) after listening to rubbish.

P.S. I will never tell you the sucky band. On account of, I feel bad gossiping about them... (in case they hear me...)

GOOD NOTE: The Kooks are moving up on my list of FAV'S. (fav's? really, Ari?)

go on... listen to Naive. It's beautiful.

P.S.S. This is what is known as a puke post. Learn to lovem.

Financial Blit.

This is the main point I learned in Financial Lit today:

and I quote, "If you're alive, you are at risk at something." (visit this link if you don't believe me)

I basically laughed out loud when I read it.

Then... I thought about it.

And, even though it's the most ridiculous claim ever stated, the truth of it is hard to ignore.

Riskkk. The game of Life.

P.S.

Best news ever:

I'M GOING TO RAY LAMONTAGNE.

AND I WILL FALL IN LOVE

AND I DON'T CARE IF IT'S REAL OR NOT.

OR THAT HE'S KIND OF 37 YEARS OLD....

age does not affect the matters of the heart.

P.S.S I"m changing my name to Hannah, Jolene, Sarah, Meg, or (if worse comes to worst) You.

Then he can sing to me. And my name will be in there somewhere. Even if it is "I could hold You in my aaaarms," in which case I still win.

Ray is a real man. Beard. Voice. Guitar. EYES. MANE.

He's a lion to me. And I've never actually told anyone this before, but lions are sort of my thing. Yay for posted secrets. ... (...p.s.s.s(s?.) One day I will tell you all about my deal with lions..)

I'm done for.

Just sometimes need a push.

FRiday Night.

HOLY cow. (no reference to my previous post)

Thursday and Friday night was the talent show.

AMERican Fork HIGh school. GAHH.

how am I supposed to post if I have no words to use/!?

I will start with my gratitude. Having the opportunity to be surrounded by some of the most amazing musical people is a dream in and of itself. I'm just also ridiculously happy to have gotten a part of my self back that comes with a confidence I had lost.

Can I post some lyrics?.... k.

All This Time by Maria Mena

you self destructive
little girl
pick yourself up
don't blame the world
so you screwed up
but your gonna be ok
now call your boyfriend
and apologise
you pushed him pretty
far away last night
he really loves you
you just don't always love yourself.

all this time
all this time
you have had it in you
you just sometimes need a push
all this time
all this time
you have had it in you
you just sometimes need a push

think all the mean girls
that pulled your hair
are barefoot now and
pregnant there
and you write pop songs
and get to travel
round the world

all this time
all this time
you have had it in you
you just sometimes need a push
all this time
all this time
you have had it in you
you just sometimes need a push

so you've had some detours
some stupid men
now we know what not
to do again
besides you lucked out
finally

all this time
all this time
you have had it in you
you just sometimes need a push
all this time
all this time
you have had it in you
you just sometimes need a push

/

To my pushes: Shelbie, Laura, Sarah, Mikelle, Han, Chloe.

You are the reasons for everything. You're my pick-me-ups. You're my back. You're my right hand (just pretend i'm an Octopus).

But most importantly you listen. You understand that I understand and are willing to take my words with either a grain of salt or a take to heart.

I know I screw up a lot. A lot. And I'm being extremely hypocritical by making this post kind of Diary-esque.... but Honestly. I don't know who I'd be with out you. (Same goes to you other readers who know who you are, but I'm not mentioning your name.)

Although I might have screwed up these last months of our post-childhood pre-life, I'm so grateful for those surprising life-changing experiences. (Aren't they always surprising?)

I know for scientific fact (I'm a scientist) that if you look for the worst things in your life that affirm your worst expectations, your life will miserable. Full of those "duh's" that make true your belief system.

But, if you look for the best things in your life, suddenly your life becomes its best. You become who you always were. You remember what you always knew. You transform into your best self- which is the self that is infinitely growing, changing, learning, healing, coping, becoming entirely real. good and bad. all of it.

Feel free to eat some grapes with the cheese I just threw at you.

Also. Girls. Let's stop blog warring, okay? I'm disappointed in the justification of it all.

Even though I know you are not horrible people, you are not being very tactful. It's blogging, not slandering.

Know this: there is a lot of love out there.. But only if you are willing to look for it, give it, and accept it.