Just sometimes need a push.

FRiday Night.

HOLY cow. (no reference to my previous post)

Thursday and Friday night was the talent show.

AMERican Fork HIGh school. GAHH.

how am I supposed to post if I have no words to use/!?

I will start with my gratitude. Having the opportunity to be surrounded by some of the most amazing musical people is a dream in and of itself. I'm just also ridiculously happy to have gotten a part of my self back that comes with a confidence I had lost.

Can I post some lyrics?.... k.

All This Time by Maria Mena

you self destructive
little girl
pick yourself up
don't blame the world
so you screwed up
but your gonna be ok
now call your boyfriend
and apologise
you pushed him pretty
far away last night
he really loves you
you just don't always love yourself.

all this time
all this time
you have had it in you
you just sometimes need a push
all this time
all this time
you have had it in you
you just sometimes need a push

think all the mean girls
that pulled your hair
are barefoot now and
pregnant there
and you write pop songs
and get to travel
round the world

all this time
all this time
you have had it in you
you just sometimes need a push
all this time
all this time
you have had it in you
you just sometimes need a push

so you've had some detours
some stupid men
now we know what not
to do again
besides you lucked out
finally

all this time
all this time
you have had it in you
you just sometimes need a push
all this time
all this time
you have had it in you
you just sometimes need a push

/

To my pushes: Shelbie, Laura, Sarah, Mikelle, Han, Chloe.

You are the reasons for everything. You're my pick-me-ups. You're my back. You're my right hand (just pretend i'm an Octopus).

But most importantly you listen. You understand that I understand and are willing to take my words with either a grain of salt or a take to heart.

I know I screw up a lot. A lot. And I'm being extremely hypocritical by making this post kind of Diary-esque.... but Honestly. I don't know who I'd be with out you. (Same goes to you other readers who know who you are, but I'm not mentioning your name.)

Although I might have screwed up these last months of our post-childhood pre-life, I'm so grateful for those surprising life-changing experiences. (Aren't they always surprising?)

I know for scientific fact (I'm a scientist) that if you look for the worst things in your life that affirm your worst expectations, your life will miserable. Full of those "duh's" that make true your belief system.

But, if you look for the best things in your life, suddenly your life becomes its best. You become who you always were. You remember what you always knew. You transform into your best self- which is the self that is infinitely growing, changing, learning, healing, coping, becoming entirely real. good and bad. all of it.

Feel free to eat some grapes with the cheese I just threw at you.

Also. Girls. Let's stop blog warring, okay? I'm disappointed in the justification of it all.

Even though I know you are not horrible people, you are not being very tactful. It's blogging, not slandering.

Know this: there is a lot of love out there.. But only if you are willing to look for it, give it, and accept it.